i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
