every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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