would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
