i just wanna soil my oats bro
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
