I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
