i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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