Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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