i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
