I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
