I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
