he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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