Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
