Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
