he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
