I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
