Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
