from now on my penis is your penis
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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