His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
