thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
