i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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