my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
