I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
