And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
