Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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