I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
