found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
