dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
