I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
