3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize