Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
