you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
try to milk me bitch
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
