dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
