We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
