U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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