He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
