I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
