Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
