I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
