I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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