Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
