there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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