How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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