So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
