he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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