separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
