she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
