You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
