The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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