I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
