i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
