She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize