so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
