dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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