Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
