My room smells like vodka and shame
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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