I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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