I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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