on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize