you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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