so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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