yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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