I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
