i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
