that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
