two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
