im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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