Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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