Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dick very happy bro
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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