The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
