we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
