I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
