I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
