he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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