Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
