dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
