I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
