There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
