Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
