Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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