I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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